"Relax" is the source of all freedom! Xu Xiaoxi: Love your 4 practices and treat life easily

Editor: Have you ever let yourself really "relax"? Xu Xiaoxi, who was once a well-known host of popular music programs, bravely bid farewell to an unsuitable marriage 7 years ago. Now, as a "Sister Lei", he shares the secrets of how to make your body and mind more comfortable. "It's actually very tiring to pretend to be fine! No matter how happy a person is, he can't be very happy at any time. Only when he sees his feelings can he have the chance to be released."

On the day of the appointment, Xu Xiaoxi walked into the store in a simple white shirt and denim pants, revealing her skin that was so thin that she turned into a small metal. She smiled and said: Because I love running out very much, these are all from the big sun in summer.

{}

I met Xu Xiaoxi in the past, most of the light images from her in front of her light curtain: VJ of MTV Music Channel, entertainment news anchor, and popular program host …… but recently, I saw her sharing her life points on her face, and she always called herself "Sister Lai". What did this call come about? Xu Xiaoxi smiled and said, "I think it myself! Because I think 'relax' is the best state of life." The so-called relaxation does not mean that I completely let go of any aspect of life. "It is impossible that life is not tight, but when faced with volatility and pressure, don't suppress it, but you can adjust and match it more in a more decent way."

You can only bring happiness to others before you can bring happiness to others

In 2014, choosing to bid for 9 years of marriage is a major turning point that Xu Xiaoxi encountered in his life. "Marriage is actually a very traditional product. Women become wives or daughter-in-laws. Then you may become mothers. You have to enter these life roles. Whether you are yourself or the people around you, there will be a look of expectation there, even if the image I usually give people seems very trendy and foreign."

Therefore, when she felt that the two of them were really not suitable for them to continue and began to consider whether to end this relationship, she first faced the noise from her mother, her friends, and even her own heart. "My mother told me: No one's marriage is perfect, and if you endure it, you will pass. Divorce is not good for children…… but in fact, I have thought about these things in my heart a few times! Only then did I realize that my mother's view actually affected me deeply."

"In the process of slapping, I was also self-responsible and guilty, thinking that I was too selfish. For my own good, I wanted my children to have a complete home." So, what is the key to making a divorce decision? "In the end, I asked myself from the perspective of the client: If I encountered this situation today, my daughter, what would I think? The answer is clear--I don't want her to compromise with others and do my own life."

"Then I figured it out: If I am not happy, it is impossible to bring happiness to others." Xu Xiaoxi smiled.

4 principles to learn how to love yourself

Because of this mental journey, when Xu Xiao clearly decided to hold a spiritual lecture, the first topic to tell the audience was: love yourself. Although everyone knows this concept, the problem is: What should I do? She listed several specific implementation methods:

1. Don't care too much about what others say and listen to your own voice.

2. Practice and enjoy the time you are alone.

3. Live in the present and do not look back on what you thought of or worry about what you have not yet happened in the future.

4. Get out of the comfortable circle that you think is always good and try new things.

"The key point is: if you don't really love yourself, then the love you give to others can only be called investment, because the purpose is to hope for a reply. Many mothers always say that they are sacrificed for children and families, but if the other party does not give you the expected reward, you will feel a great sense of loss." Only when you are satisfied can you not ask others for rewards. The idea of ​​opening the lecture was originally placed in Xu Xiaoxi's waiting for work for a long time, but the reason why he decided to do it was because a friend passed away.

"This friend is the best girl among our sisters. She is beautiful and married a husband who loves her very much. She has been happy all the way. But she didn't expect that one day she just went to do a medical and beautiful little surgery. She passed away unexpectedly because of side effects. This makes me feel that people really say they can leave, so don't wait for what they want to do."

Let's not change the quality by saying to the pressure and control love

Most of the readers who came to participate in Xu Xiaoxi's lecture are women. What life problems do they encounter? "I think most girls receive education since childhood: to be gentle and obedient to listen to the concepts of this kind. Therefore, they feel that sacrificing others is a manifestation of love, but they are also incapable of becoming the masters of their own lives."

When she was taking the bonus course, she was very moved by the degree of pressure on Taiwanese women. "Once, the teacher asked everyone to practice and shout out loud with all their strength, but many people tried it no matter how they tried it, but they just couldn't shout out loud."

There was a mother and daughter who shared with Xu Xiaoxi. After listening to the lecture, the relationship between him and his mother gradually improved. "In fact, many people who have a strong desire to control their relationship think that they give love, but what the other party receives is actually pressure and guilt. So I will tell you: whether the love given to the other party has changed at the right time."

There is also a female audience member whose husband not only has an affair, but also a boy, which is like leaving the car and leaving the cabinet. "What she couldn't get through is that she was not only betrayed by emotionally, but also felt like she was living in literacy in the past.. I comforted her: Although you are in pain now, it is definitely not easy for the other party to go through, because he not only cheats you, family and friends around him, but also has to cheat himself. ”

Xu Xiaoxi told her: "If you can understand his situation, you may get a good friend of your child." About two years later, the girl and her husband divorced. The two still live together to take care of their children, but each has a love life and has really become the best friend. "I think this result is really great!"

Facing the various joys, angers and sorrows in life, "Sister Pu" said: Just go and experience it and feel it! Although it is difficult for a person to not be harmed in love or relationship, "mostly, being harmed is the result, not necessarily the other party's purpose." Compared to the other party who is uncontrollable, it is better to turn around and let yourself go.

Let the child go and get in touch with him.

Besides Sister Pu, Xu Xiaoxi's other most common self-called is "My Mother". "I felt that after becoming a mother, I had a little more understanding of love. After divorce, I realized that love is not about possession and being tightly grasped in my hands. Sometimes love should be let go and let him be free."

Last year, Xu Xiaoxi sent his 14-year-old son to Canada to read books and live with his father. Before he set off, the whole family gathered together to eat dinner and traveled for him.

Ask her not to let her go? "Of course it will! But I still encouraged him to go out and have a different environment. After he was separated from his son, he occasionally contacted each other's close relationships, but he had better relationships than before. I don't have to be a two-person mother who talks all day long. You know that after children enter puberty, When he asked, he answered the shortest sentence possible. "

Xu Xiaoxi smiled, "After he went abroad, he would still send messages to say he missed me very much! If we were living together before, how could this be possible?"

"I think divorce is very much like a kind of person to me I woke me up in the blink of an eye. In the past, I did "everyone told me what I should do." Now I am more alert and think more: Is this good? Is it really what I want? Whether it is protecting my children without leaks, worrying all day long, or trapping myself in an unhappy marriage in order to maintain the so-called complete family, the answer in my heart is very clear now."

Maturity In fact, it is to find my original self

So, many people will see Xu Xiaoxi, "I think you are very different from before! More comfortable and more at ease than before."

"I once read a sentence in my book and thought it was great: becoming mature is actually to get back my original appearance. In the process of growing up and socialization, we adjusted ourselves more or less according to other people's hopes and criticisms, but at this age, we can slowly remove those masks, and the original appearance was very good."

Now, in addition to liking to jump Zumba and playing badminton to swim, Xu Xiaoxi will also take her daughter up the mountains and down the sea to walk around. Her recent new life course is "Study Swimming". "Although it's still okay to be strong in the swimming pool, I really like to be someone who can really swim in the sea, and I want to seriously overcome this. While swimming or dancing, although there are many people around you, you can only focus on your breathing and movements, and it feels very comfortable."

From learning to love yourself to learning how to ride the wind and waves in the vast ocean of life, her advice to 50+ readers is: "Don't forget to leave some time and space for yourself anytime. Don't forget: today is the lightest day in your life, so enjoy it!"

Original text: "Relax" is the source of all freedom! Xu Xiaoxi: Love your 4 practices and treat life easily